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Choose to be Changed

When we come into marriage, somehow, we often come into it with the expectation of a grand adventure that can conquer all. That it is the beginning of some great holiday. What we forget is all those pesky weaknesses we have brought along with us. Somehow, we forget that our partner has brought along their own. The honeymoon staged ends and suddenly, we find ourselves facing blaring irritations that we may have never expected. Some people believe that they can change their partners weaknesses so that they may no longer be irritated by them. Studies by Dr. Gottman show that the more a person focuses on those weaknesses and tries to cure them, the more those weaknesses are magnified in our eyes.

The only way to remove these weaknesses is in a unique and eye-opening way. "When we love our partners the way they are, we don't care if they change. That is the very thing that liberates them to change. Acceptance is the key to change in those ares where it is possible." Dr. Wallace Goddard
Love then is the key. Not just any love, but charity. What is the difference? Love is what we feel when we are happy with someone or the situation. Charity feels love and is moved with empathy not only in good situations, but in situations that would usually irritate us. How can we develop charity?
I had an experience once with a dear friend. This friend betrayed me deeply, I had never been hurt like that ever in my lifetime. I prayed and prayed, and was blessed with something miraculous. I found deep love for this friend despite the horrible things they had done to me. I felt no anger or revenge. Love consumed my body and even motivated me to go forth and do good not only for them, but for others. Someone on the outside looking in helped me define this as charity. Because I had experienced it, I now understood what my goal was to feel it in marriage.
Throughout this semester I have been looking for ways to increase my love for my spouse. I adore him and think the world of him. We rarely argue, and enjoy each other immensely. However, I wanted to get past the day to day irritations I felt and wanted to be a more compassionate and loving wife. This has been important for me to do this in more than a trite way. This week’s readings taught me three things that I can do.
1. Love the Savior.
2. Let him Love me
3. Love my spouse as the Savior does
As I learn to love the Savior, I learn his attributes and apply them to my own life. As I learn to love myself and all my weaknesses I am less apt to be critical of them in other people. The more confident and happy I am with myself, the more I will be with others. This happens as I seek forgiveness from the Savior and feel his love. As I love my spouse as the Savior does, I see the weaknesses, but I do not single them out as things to change. I let them be and love him. As I forgive him and focus on the things I do love, it lets me feel the love of the Savior for my spouse.

This is not something that happens naturally. The natural man wants to cry and throw a tantrum like a toddler at all the irritants in his life. To feel love, we must choose to change ourselves, we must choose to be changed, and when we do our life will be filled with love. 

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