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In Laws, In Loves

A friend of mine, her father calls her, his daughter in love. This tender name evokes a sense of caring and inclusion to her and the other in laws. 

In another family, the spouses are called outlaws. The feeling connotes the tension that is found. In their family mom and dad and siblings are put before all others, including spouses. They are expected to choose their family of origin over their children and their mates. This can be a difficult position to be in. So, what is a person to do in such a  situation?
We are taught in Genesis 2:24 that "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Each spouse comes from a separate family of considerably different rules and beliefs. Then, the two of them are expected to come together and bind their ways as one unified front. The first years of marriage include this time of re arranging. Extended families can make this more difficult in their expectations of the couples time. Our first years of marriage were bounced around between the two families trying to please them. We never quite ended up doing what we wanted to do for the holidays, we just ended up trying to please their expectations. Then when we moved away we had a hard time realizing we could do whatever we wanted for Sunday dinners, or for birthdays, and holidays! 
It can be a difficult thing to do. Show your parents and in laws how much you love them, while trying to set up your own family and traditions. So, what is to be done? What is the best way to stay connected to family while trying to establish your own? " Couples need to discuss what they will do to protect, maintain, and repair the invisible boundary or fence that guards marriage. Husbands need to realize that strengthening his marriage and making sure that his wife feels secure with him, is the biggest thing he can do to help his wife develop a quality relationship with his parents."
So then, boundaries need to be set and talked about often. Also, a discussion with the in laws about how much you love them and respect them, but that you need to set time aside for yourselves to create your own identity.
Over time, and through prayer, love can abound between both families, and a set of boundaries established.
https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/299020-Online.2017.Fall.FAML300.08/Course%20Files/Harper-In-Laws.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=Bu3uopYQmrWupwbNjdTzGjen5&ou=299020
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