MARRIAGE - THE TIE THAT BINDS US

When I think of turning I think of the Hebrew word turn.  Shuv.  This is also the word used in the Bible for repentance. In a Hebrew course I took, interesting imagery was taught to us. When Adam and Eve were cast Eastward out of the Garden of Eden they called upon the God and heard his voice speaking still, from the Garden of Eden. Symbolically Adam and Eve had to turn away from the way they were going towards the voice of God to hear him clearer. As they repented together they drew nearer to God.  Remember the Sacred Triangle? As Adam and Eve repented and drew near to God they also drew nearer to each other. This doctrine applies to the principle studied this week. Turning toward each other.  Dr. Gottman teaches us this week that couples are continually making bids for each other’s attention, affection, humor, or support. This could be something as direct as "Would you rub my feet?" to as indirect as "I'm tired of these stinky socks everywhe...

I often have experiences of people complaining to me about their spouse. Usually it's just about a recent fight but sometimes it is more serious. Sometimes the negativity has become a pattern so bad that their complaining becomes something like this. "He squishes the toothpaste in the middle, can you believe it!" or "Last night she talked to her friend for 2 hours! So rude!" In reality these small things had become big obstacles for these couples because so much negativity had been infused in their marriage. Everyday and even positive things were seen through the lens of negativity. So, as we talked about last week. What is the answer? More communication? More time together? More expression of feelings? Unfortunately, where these things are good, these are in counseling sessions of the past. Current research has shown that emotional intelligence and nurturing a loving friendship are the greatest indicators of a healthy marriage. So, what does it mean to be e...

Last week we talked about covenant marriage versus contract marriage and the difference of the both of them. We also talked about three wolves that try to destroy marriage. Well there is one researcher who has been made famous for his decade long research on marriage. He mentions that he thought he had solved all the problems of marriage and divorce by discovering why they broke up. What he soon came to realize that where the reasons people break up is important, what holds them together remains more important. This researcher's name is John M Gottman. The book we read this week was called "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage work." In his book he said after 25 years of research he can predict withing 15 minutes of listening to a couple, if they will get a divorce. Within every good marriage there was one unanimous thing that marked their marriage as one that would make it. Can you guess what he said stood at the center of each good solid marriage? Good commun...

My husband and I have been married for 11 years, 4 months, and 2 days. We have also been trying to have children for 11 years, 4 months, and 2 days. Infertility affects 10% of women in the U.S.(1). It's a unique struggle that puts tremendous strain on a marriage. In fact couples with infertility are 3 times more likely to get a divorce. Yet in our case it couldn't be further from the truth, and today in my post I want to talk about why. It is because we are committed to a covenant marriage in a world that believes in contract of self happiness. Bruce C. Hafen, a member of the seventy of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints says this about the differences in covenant and contractual marriage. "When troubles come parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and stay only as long as they're receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them ...